*[[--- fah::my hideout ---]]*

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

|[ 17.11.2009 ]|

peace everyone..

again im alone at mls. doing my tutorials. it feels nice not t have distractions but at the same time feeling lonely. =)

so far ive had good records this week. ive been attending classes again after a week of personal time. I just needed some time to take my mind off things. so ive committed myself to start off well again. beginning from the moment i said it. like now. saying the right things. doing what's important first. organizing and doing as per planned. i still have problems waking up for subuh though. insyaAllah, i'll work it out.

i dont know why eveytime im in mls alone i start thinking of how i would feel once i leave school. hate the feeling. makes me dont want to leave.

anyway, today has been a good day so far alhamdulillah. tomorow will be long day for me. ive planned several activities. hopefully i get to carry them out as planned.

i miss so many things in life. happiness. having friends all around you all the time. now their gone. it feels really empty. thats ironic since im most of the time independent. maybe its how much i love my friends. how they bring out the real me. who questions my conscious. i guess i depend on my friends more than i depend on my family.

my family always have high expectations for one another. i realise we never learned how to accept one another for who we are and we want. instead, we care more about the things we need for the expense of our own family. we keep thinking that we are always on the right end. no give and take. we point out others mistakes and weaknesses when we have them too.
we seem well off. happy. but i think its just a mask. underneath there are selfish, confused, timid souls. the level of trust withinthe family is probably two out of ten.

i know its probably not right for me to blog about my family problems publicly. but i think im not the only one. maybe i am. but who else do i shared it to if its not my friends? or to something. heh..

i realize that i only think i know what kind of person i want to be. but im not quite sure if i can actually take it. confused? me too.

>>--|[ chillin' out ]|-->> 3:42 PM

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

|[ sticking to my principles. ]|

.choices.

A. Be with her, but I cant promise that I can fully commit. (Of course I love her)
B. Not be with her, no commitment at all. (But I'll still love her)

I didnt let her go because I'm running away.
Its not fair for me to stay on if clearly I cant give her the full commitment.
What can one expect?
I'm in school. She's at work (Only comes back on Weekends - for now at least)
And that's for another year.

I got stuff to do in school too.
I'm not asking for us to meet everyday single or message every single minute of our lives.
In fact, we cant.

And has there been a rule that the guys must always start the conversation?
My practice is if you feel like communicating then take out the phone.
I was wrong to set a time cos' we dont usually follow time.
If you miss someone, how you can expect that person to contact when he/she doesnt know that you miss them in the first place.
so dont wait and be the first

I thought I could do a distant relationship. (We're not even overseas)
I brought the matter before but "...everything will alright..."
Dont say I didnt tell.

Is it wrong to give in? Even to give in a lot?
Imagine if everybody could forgive everybody without expecting anything back in return.
Would you want that? Sadly some cant believe that such people exist.

We all know everyone makes mistakes. Very often. Every single day of our lives.
So, why dont we just learn and forgive?
Maybe that person is gonna repeat their mistakes.
So learn and forgive.
What if they do it again and again and again and again?
Learn and forgive.
People forget.

So I've done a lot of mistakes.
I admit it. I dont have a big ego saying that Im always right.
If admitting your mistakes and apologizing to those who are hurt makes you a coward.
Then so be it.

Biarlah kita rendah diri. Kalau dipijak pun tak jauh dari lantai.
Daripada mendongak tinggi, kalau jatuh lagi menderita.

Im sorry
I love you without doubt
but i want to accomplish things
while im still in school
call me whatever you want
but ive learned to accept you for who you are
now im asking you to accept me
with all that i can give you
if you still do have feelings for me

and i've been loyal to you
till this day
i cant say that i dont want you on that bike
cos in fact i dont have the right to say it
we're single
ask yourself
would you do it if you really still have feelings for me
if you would
then im done here

but never have i done anything
on my own will
since the day we separated
to have others thinking that i have forgotten you
or to start a new with another person
ive treated you the same

I dont want to lie and say
that I can give every single thing,
every single time that you want from me.
cos i cant.
If that makes me a loser
then so be it.
at least i admit i am.
take care
ily

>>--|[ chillin' out ]|-->> 6:55 AM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

|[ Ucapan Muzikaraya ]|

Kepada tetamu khas kami, Encik J A Halim beserta isteri, guru pembimbing; Cikgu Rahim beserta isteri, wakil-wakil penaja kami dari Kampong Collection, Yayasan Mendaki dan Keris, kepada Jawatankuasa SPMLS beserta ketiga-tiga anak buahnya Nurhayat, Nurdeen dan Sang Singa purba, para hadirin hadirat sekalian,

Asslammualikum wr wb.

To our lecturers, Student Development Officers and fellow acquaintance warm greetings to all of you.

Syukur kita kepada Illahi kerana telah memberi kesempatan ini untuk bertemu pada malam ini untuk menyaksikan acara yang cukup bermakna.

Saya telah bersama SSP sejak tahun pertama di SP. Dari anggota biasa sehinggalah menjadi presiden SPMLS, saya telah menyaksikan banyak perubahan yang dilalui SSP. Kini di bawah jagaan ketua mereka Wan Wahida, SSP lebih bersemangat dan mempunyai visi dan arah tujuan yang jelas.

Secara peribadi, Saya amat berterima kasih kepada SSP kerana memberi saya peluang untuk lebih mengenali budaya Melayu kita. Dengan bantuan dari teman-teman seperti Izzah, saya sudah mula untuk berjinak dalam tarian melayu, kerana Aidil suara saya sudah tidak aneh dengan lengok lagu melayu, kepada Safia terima kasih kerana me-'make-up' kan saya sampai lebih lawa dari penari-penari kita dan tidak lupa juga kepada Amirah dan Farhana kerana sentiasa dalam keadaan tenang dan tidak putus-putus memberi senyuman. Ramai lagi yang saya ingin ucapkan terima kasih kerana telah membimbing saya. SSP benar-benar telah menjadi satu lagi keluarga buat saya.

Bercakap tentang keluarga, pementasan yang telah kita saksikan telah menunjukkan betapa pentingnya keluarga dalam hidup kita dan kami berharap anda dapat pulang dengan beberapa pelajaran dari acara ini. Pada masa yang sama, saya ingin mengucapkan terima kasih juga kepada keluarga kami dari Jawatankuasa 37 SPMLS Nurhayat dan Nurdeen serta bekas ahli SPMLS kerana sudi membantu SSP. Saya gembira kerana sebagai satu persatuan kita tidak pututs-putus untuk memberi bantuan kita sering mempunyai perbezaan pendapat. Bak pepatah Melayu air dicincang tidak akan pernah terputus, itulah semangat kekeluargaan kita.

Kepada SSP saya ucapkan terima kasih kerana inisiatif ini dan tahniah atas kejayaan anda dan teruskan semangat anda dalam melestarikan budaya kita. Sama-sama kita berdoa agar mereka kegiatan mereka diberkati, insyaAllah. Apa jua kesudahannya, saya amat berbangga dengan sumbangan dari setiap individu. Syabas!

Akhir sekali, dalam keriangan ini, saya ingin mengambil kesempatan bagi pihak keluarga SPMLS menyusun 10 jari meminta keampunan dan kemaafan sekiranya ada tersilap kata, terkasar bahasa atau terguris hati semasa menjalankan tugas dalam aktiviti-aktiviti dan acara-acara yang kita anjurkan selama ini.

Sekian,

Wabillahitaufik wal hidayah,
wassalammualaikum wr wb.

>>--|[ chillin' out ]|-->> 4:22 PM

Saturday, October 03, 2009

|[ dah lama kita 'keliru' ]|

this is suppose to be my facebook..

Muhammad Fahmi Hussaini on melayu keliru tentang Hari raya:

all the hassle about the article has awaken many and forced us to question ourselves what exactly is happening to the Singapore Malay Muslim Community.

Coincidentally Dr Yaacob Ibrahim had recently announced the establishment of a panel of people who would look into the challenges of the Malay Community. Has our society really reached the critical stage to acquire such services?

Confusion is often caused by lack of knowledge. And lack of knowledge is caused by various reasons - ignorance being the most common.

It is about time that this community realizes that knowledge in both duniawi; to improve our standard of living, and ukhrawi; to strengthen our iman, build character and faith, is equally important to live in this world. We are no longer living in an industrial age where humans function like machines but we are living in an ever growing global community that seeks efficiency and effectiveness in all areas. Today, those who can compete will survive, and those who can't often leave their future solely to fate, maybe to death. But before we can even compete at that level, we must first overcome ourselves. How can we if we lack the knowledge?

Going back to the topic, we have to begin to realize that there is a fine line as to how much we can practice religion and culture at the same without compromising each other. It is either you succeed in defining that line or stick to one side or abolish the wall and have flexibility of being on either side whenever you want to or whenever we FEEL we like to. How we decide this is to find our direction in life. Where are we heading?

We have to begin to realize that our time in this world is temporary and that the ultimate end in our lives is to return to the utmost Supreme, th Creator of all creations. As Muslims, it is time that we realize that we need to direct our lives to Allah swt. But one may ask,"What happens to our culture?"

Islam doesn't forbids you from practicing any culture. Culture gives your identity, it decorates your life. But religion; religion is the core of your life. It governs your life. Culture doesn't. We need to realize that. We also need to realize that a level of tolerance needs to be observed. How much is as long as our religion permits and it is only with knowledge that we define this value.

Islam forbids us to break into groups and claim one to be better than the other. One say Tauhid is of most importance, another says Fiqh. Another says Akhlaq. Islam comes together, and everything is equally important. We do not take it part by part but we practice it gradually into our lives and let it become OUR CULTURE. Neither do we isolate and abandon those who practice or know less than us. They need to be embraced and nurtured.

Let us not be ignorant of the truth and change the path of our lives to the better. Let us not wait for fate to solely decide our future. We are Muslims and we know of our obligations. Even if we don't, Allah will always give us the opportunity to discover so as long as we put in the effort and try.

Wallahu'alam

>>--|[ chillin' out ]|-->> 8:33 PM